Leave Me by Claire Raye

Author:Claire Raye [Raye, Claire]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Claire Raye

15

NICK

I’ve been back in Badger Creek for a couple of weeks now and it’s weird to suddenly realize that I can barely remember what it was like being away. All the days and nights I spent away from this place, hanging with the team, or stuck on a bus, or in a crowded dorm, or skiing mountains I don’t recognize; it all feels so distant now, like it happened years ago. Even my accident feels like a distant memory, although my knee likes to occasionally remind me it’s not.

But the absolute best part about these past two weeks, without a doubt, has been everything with me and Lis. Things between us have been good ever since that night we chatted in her car by the lake. And although the future is still up in the air and there’s so much that’s still unknown, I’m really trying not to let her get stuck on all of that.

Which doesn’t mean I don’t constantly think about that or her question to me.

What are you most afraid of with all of this?

When she’d asked me this, I’d answered her honestly when I’d said, “Losing you.” And then I’d lied, because I hadn’t added, “And not knowing what happens next.”

Losing Elissa again was absolutely my worst fear, without a doubt. But I was also scared about what came next. About who the fuck I was supposed to be if I couldn’t compete, couldn’t ski again. A part of me feels like I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that my Olympic dream is now over, but I’m still not sure who I am without it.

It’s been a dream of mine for so long now and I left so much behind to try and achieve it, made so many fucking mistakes trying to get to the highest peak I could. And now, I no longer know who I am if I’m not chasing that dream. Who I’m supposed to be without it. For her or for me.

Which is why I hadn’t been able to admit all my fears to her.

And I hated that. Because Lis and I have always been honest with each other, no matter what was going on. Which right now, is everything to us and nothing to anyone else.

Because apart from her mom, no one else knows what’s going on between us. We still haven’t told our friends, and we don’t act or do anything to suggest we are together the few times we’re out in public together. And even though it feels shitty to keep it from them, it’s also been good not having the fifty million questions we both know we’ll get if our friends find out about us.

It’s been amazing just being able to be us without everything else.

“You know, you may as well just move all of your clothes over here,” I suggest from the bed, as I watch Lis walk in from the bathroom and crouch down, wrapped in nothing but a towel.

She glances over, a smile

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